Opposition vs. The Opposition: Uganda’s Election Horror Show

By Yasin Kakande, Author of The Missing Corpse

A Political Horror Movie Unfolding

In Uganda’s forthcoming election, it’s not “the people vs. the regime.” It’s not even “the opposition vs. the government.” No, no. It’s the opposition vs. the opposition—a political horror movie where all the villains wear the same cheap mask and keep stabbing each other in the dark, while the real monster naps comfortably in his castle.

A Fight for Titles, Not Power

And don’t get me wrong—this isn’t a neat little two-party duel. No. It’s a messy brawl in a cramped bar where every self-proclaimed savior of the nation wants to be the next opposition, not the actual government. They’re not fighting for State House; they’re fighting for a handful of parliament seats and the fancy title of “Leader of the Opposition”—basically, a crown made of thorns handed out in a dictatorship’s pageant show.

The Regime Doesn’t Even Need to Fight

If you’ve been watching the campaign trails, you might think the ruling party—the one that’s been in power for over forty years—decided to skip this season’s reality show. Wrong. They’re not absent; they’re immortal. They’re just seated comfortably on the throne, smug as ever, with their octogenarian president propped up like a wax figure. No need to risk his blood pressure with a real fight. Opposition parties are doing all the heavy lifting for him, bashing each other with frying pans while the old man naps.

Opposition Parties Bankrolled by the Regime

And here’s the punchline: some opposition parties are funded by the very regime they claim to fight. But let’s not pretend this is some great revelation. Everyone seems to know their assigned role in this grim play. Their job is to fight each other, so the aging ruler—pushing eighty—doesn’t have to break a sweat exchanging political blows like in the good old days. You wouldn’t want the old man waking up dead in his bed from all that stress, would you? His handlers have given the opposition enough shiny toys to keep them busy— “Here, boys, go chase each other while Grandpa naps.”

A Circus of Accusations

Meanwhile, each party points fingers at the others: “You’re sponsored!” “No, you’re the sellout!” It’s a tragicomic circus. The uncomfortable truth is that anyone participating in this sham of an election is in some way, propping up the regime. They’re not serving the furious, beaten-down population that’s been robbed, tortured, and left to rot—they’re serving the regime’s desperate need for a façade. The opposition’s job isn’t to win. It’s to put on makeup for the corpse of democracy.

The Regime Plays Both Sides

The regime plays both sides of the mirror. In the dark, they work with all opposition parties. In the daylight, they label some as “sellouts” and anoint others as “real opposition,” because if the public ever figures out that the entire cast is rotten, they might look for a new show. And that, dear reader, is the government’s greatest fear: an awakened audience that storms the stage.

Opposition as a Cult

The opposition, for its part, has gone full cult mode—radicalizing followers so deeply that there’s no brain space left to question the script. But the mood is shifting. Many Ugandans have started tuning out of this farce altogether. They’re tired of opposition parties that want a better seat at the table instead of flipping the table over.

The Real Emerging Danger

The real nightmare for the regime isn’t a loud opposition party waving banners. It’s the quiet, growing distrust of all parties. It’s the dangerous idea that maybe, just maybe, everyone on that ballot is compromised.

The Curtain Is Still Up… For Now

This election may not bring the reckoning. It may not even qualify as an election. But the anger of the masses is real, and it’s simmering. The government and its hand-picked opposition can keep playing dress-up for now. But when that pot boils over, it won’t just scald the dictator; it’ll burn every actor who helped keep the show going.

The curtain is still up, but the end is coming. And it’s coming faster than anyone backstage believes.

— Yasin Kakande

Author of The Missing Corpse